How To Evict An Adult Child From Your Home
94Many parents these days are faced with having an adult child living with them who has lost their job, gotten into legal or financial trouble, or has become difficult to impossible to live with in your home. Keep in mind, even though they are adults, adult children still should abide by the rules in your house. That could include anything as simple as keeping their room clean or helping with chores to more difficult topics like bringing illegal drugs into your home or bringing people of the opposite sex home for sleepovers, Sleepovers may have been cute when they were 10, but now that they are adults...AWKWARD!
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Eviction May Be The Answer
We are not talking about a simple "Failure To Launch" scenario when we are talking about something as extreme as eviction. If your relationship with your adult child has broken down so much that straight honest talk about your expectations have gotten you both nowhere or your adult child is doing things to endanger you or the rest of your family members, it's time to take action.
Did you know in most states your adult child is considered to have "squatters rights" in your home even though they are paying no rent? In an ideal world (fantasy...sigh!), you could simply ask them to leave or change the locks and put their clothing by the curb while they are away. However, the law protects renters. even those who don't pay their rent! There are even laws AGAINST you being able to put their things on the curb. You will have to go through the eviction process.and evict your own child. It may seem harsh, but situations can get so extreme that you are left with little or no choice.
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Starting The Eviction Process
A smart thing to do which fits in the covering your bases category (notice how nicely I put that!) is to give your expectations for living in your home to your adult child in writing. Outline exactly what behaviors you will not tolerate and have them sign. Get it notarized if possible. Tell them the consequences, i.e., eviction, of violating the rules. This sets up a tenant/landlord relationship and gives then guidelines for behavior in black and white. Then if they violate the "terms of the lease", it will come as no surprise when you begin the eviction process.
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Get The Law On Your Side
Research the laws in your state concerning the eviction process. Every state has different guidelines. Call your local magistrate's office since eviction is a civil matter. What they will ask you to do in most cases is sign an affidavit and fill out paperwork to start the process at your local courthouse. Some counties actually have the form on line which will speed the process considerably. There is generally a filing fee of anywhere from $30 to $90. Trust me, if your adult child is causing legal or financial problems for you, this is money well spent!
After you file the eviction paperwork, your adult child will be served with an eviction notice. This is where things may get very uncomfortable at your home for awhile. The entire process can take anywhere from 10 days to months depending on your state and even the county you live in. Hopefully, your adult child will become so incensed when they realize they are being evicted, they will leave of their own accord. However, I have known of some hard cases who refuse to budge. Stick to your guns, Parents! The sanity you save may be your own!
- California Eviction Laws
An overview of the eviction process in a California eviction case including details on what the landlord should do in the court process.
- Eviction
Eviction, Evicting Tenants,Skip Trace,Landlord,non payment of rent, Writ of possesion, lock out, renew lease
- EZ South Carolina Eviction
Eviction Laws for the State of South Carolina
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Serve Them Notice
After your adult child has been served their eviction notice, they generally have an opportunity for a hearing to plead their case. Yes, shocking, isn't it? But truly, the laws are set up to protect renters and sometimes it's bordering on ridiculous when you are thinking of this being your own non-rent paying adult child, If your adult child has no valid defense, the eviction process will continue. In some cases, renters will be given the opportunity to remedy the situation, but if your adult child has been giving you grief for several years, 30 days is hardly enough to turn their life around!
Tough Love Sometimes Is The Only Course of Action
Paperwork still has to be filed with the sheriff's office and the sherriff's office has to issue in many cases a motion to evict. The law may even give the renter anywhere from 30 - 90 days to vacate the property. Once the time has passed, you may move your adult child's things very nicely packaged to the curb for trash pick-up if they still refuse to move. Don't forget to change your locks!
Eviction is an extreme measure to use against your adult child, but their are cases where it is certainly warranted and the only remedy to an impossible situation. Talk first, try to come to an understanding, but if nothing comes from your talking until you're blue in the face, start the process. It's your home and you have the right to say who lives there and what goes on there!
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The hub has rightly pointed out the point of action for a discipline in the house for maintaining an environmental peace. But how can you get mental peace by evicting your own child. Any way this is a hard decision.
Thanks for the comments. I think there are more parents in this situation out there than we can ever hope to realize. When you have younger children in your household who are being exposed to things they should never have to be exposed to as a result of the adult child's behavior, it's not even a question of "should you do it", but "when?"
Excellent Hub! Makes me count my lucky stars I have not ever had to face this problem, because I do agree tossing out your own child must be hard row to hoe.
They have a TV show here, about this subject and in all cases it seems like it was the best choice for parent and child, even when they leave kicking and screaming.
Admittedly I have looked into this, and before now, have not seen any article to address this as you have, particularly with managing it as a legal eviction process.
This is a matter that can bring great trepidation, is complex, and heartwrenching. Helping someone out and enabling them are quite distinct, even when it's your grown child.
It's not for the faint hearted, it's true, Ima, but sometimes it's better than the alternative.
This information has been very useful. Sadly, I am in a situation where I will have to evict my 25 year old son. He refuses to work, has substance abuse issues, lies, sleeps all day, and has a general disregard for anybody else. I have tried everything, getting him counseling, treatment for depression, etc. He refuses to leave on his own, and has told me to call the cops if I want him out. (I did, and was told I have to evict him.) So, here I am....
Kathy, my heart hurts for you. Been there, done that. What's really strange is that people who've never walked a mile in your shoes don't understand how you can get to the point where you'd evict your own child, but the constant drama is just so wearing. When is doing enough for your kids doing too much?
Sadly I am in this situation with 2 adult children. My Daughter(has a 2 year old & a newborn)she isnt as much of a problem as my 19 year old son. He trashes my yard & tears up my stuff& in addition to that my Ex-husband of 8 years is always here also! I divorced him in 2005 for being hooked on methadone & other drugs & never supporting our household in any way! & Now my son seems to be acting in the same manner! He has no regard for anyones feelings, property or even the 2 year olds juice!! I just dont understand why he thinks he doesnt have to work or even pick up after his self.....I didnt raise him to be a Pig or a parasitic leech either I am at my wits end with this situation! Thanks for your research!!! I hope it helps me get rid of this problem & as far as having any qualms about it, I dont because this boy is enough to make normal people go stark raving mad!!!! So thanks again!!!
SweetSharee, I'm so sorry for you and your situation. Unless parents have lived through a desperate situation, they really can't understand why another parent would evict their own child. It's not "turning your back on your own child," it's giving them a heavy dose of reality, keeping yourself sane, and protecting others in your home. Sometimes parents have to take a stand and if it's showing an adult child the door, so be it.
Court on monday for evicting my 19yo daughter. I have to follow the law here in Va. I wish there was a support group for this type of tough love!
Be strong, Tammy. And remember, you may be saving your own sanity! You are in my prayers.
I am doing the same thing tomorrow son daughter in law and baby!I wish that there was another way but my house needs to be respected!
I have a feeling there are alot more people out there in this situation than we realize. Good luck, Heartbroken.
We've been caring and good parents, and now our daugther wishes to evict us. Dad is 81 and Mom 74 and handicap Bro 38. How do you like that ? Is there a law that can protect us?
Wow, that's a new one on me! That would definitely be worth investigating.
Our adult children are 26 and 28 and my husband wants to evict them. They work, although not enough hours to move out on their own. They've never given us a day's problems and they don't trash the place; Hubby saw a Dr. Phil episode where the parents had a 30+ year old child living at home and he didn't want that to be him. Hubby moved out of his family home when he was 18, and again when he had to move back in (his roommate stole his rent money). We've been married 37 years and this issue is definitely putting a big wedge between us. He has no problems calling the sheriff to force our children out, despite my pleading with him to wait until they have more money to move out....never mind the economy. He has set a January 16th, 2012 deadline. It's as though our children are cats that he can abandon in a field, which he has done. I've been a stay-at-home Mom with no income of my own since 1997...and have stressed myself into shingles over this. :(
He planned to move from our (rented) home last July (2011) where we've lived since 1979 to force the kids out, looking for a one bedroom place somewhere so they couldn't move back in with us. (We live in a 3 bed 2 bath home.) My secret fear is that he will have the freedom to be emotionally abusive, with no witnesses. :'(
Ideally, I would buy this home (the owner is going into foreclosure) in a short sale with my children. If Hubby wanted to move out then (which he threatens to do), it would be devastating, but not as devastating as it could be.
Not a marriage counselor, but perhaps the wrong person is being asked to leave?? You need to get some legal advice...ASAP.
There are other parents in this situation. You can google Parents of Adult Drug Addicts and you will come up with a couple of internet lists. Parents face this every day in this country. There is support. There is also Families Anonymous, Al-Anon, and Nar Anon. There is hope and there is support. There is also judgement from those who have no clue how devastating having an addict in the family is and that rehab is not a magic wand.
Worthita,
Thank you for your very helpful comment. So many people are so quick to judge when they've never been exposed to the kind of nightmare families with addicted and other troubled adult children can inflict on the rest of the family members. I hope some of those who've read this article will revisit it for the information you have provided. Judging by the 100's of people who have read this article, it's a very common, and heart wrenching problem.
I just have a question. My daughter is very hard to live with at this point. I've given her chance after chance. I want to know, can I take her keys away to the house. Meaning she would only be able to get in if I'm at home. I want to do this until the eviction I serve her is final. Someone said that I do have that right to relinquish my keys.
Sugarhill, I'm not an attorney, but your local sheriff's office can advise you on this if you call them. The question is will she turn them over willingly?
The above scenario is quite disgusting and unlawful. We don't put any human out on the streets when they are down, especially a human you made regardless of the age. Fortunately, Civil Rights laws trump "It's my house so it's my rules or get out." If you are paying, an adult child is a renter by law and has tenant rights to behave as he pleases without interference. If not they aren't paying, just as a homeowner who has lost their source of income is protected from street sleeping by laws, so is a an adult child under the same distress. This blog is for dogs, noit humans.
Kimberly, evidently you are not a parent who has ever been subjected to a disrespectful adult child who not only endangers themselves, but endangers the rest of the family. Contact me again after this has happened to you and you may change your perspective. Thanks for commenting, though.
It is both gratifying and sad to see so many parents in my situation. The ripple effect on the rest of the family is the most serious issue. My son drops out of college after college yet refuses to work, and when asked to do simple chores, rebels. It is affecting the rest of the family, my marriage, and my daughter. I will now turn to eviction, only as the least unpleasant of many bad alternatives. Courage and hope to you all.
SadParent,
You are so right! I wish this was an isolated situation, but judging from the numbers of people reading this article and commenting, you are definitely not alone. The worst part is when it impacts the younger children in the household. It doesn't matter if they can't see what they are doing to you, but they can they not and stop and see what effect it's having on little brothers and sisters? Good luck to you and some virtual handholding to us all!
I have an 19 year old daughter whom is not mine and raised her from when she was 7 or 8 years old. She has become so disrespectful to her mother and myself and refuses to take care of her responsibilities...I've typed up a tenant land lord contract as I am tired of her boyfriend (whom I like and is a great man) doesn't leave the house until 12 am every night and I'm tired of it. There are many other things such as she has a dog that I've paid for everything to have done to get it shots and stuff. Recently her dog bit my cat and broke its leg. I wanted to put the dog down as it is now a dangerous animal to be around my cats. I just don't know what to do. I want my step daughter out of the house permanently.
Frustrated,
Please check the law in your state to see how to proceed with this problem. You're on the right track with outlining her responsibilities in writing, however, but your local sheriff's office should be able to advise you from there. Good luck!
It's tougher than you think! Especially when your wife doesn't want the child to leave. There's divorce threats, threats to destroy the property, and he pointed a 22 caliber pistol at me. It's getting dangerous!
You need to think hard about your situation, TB. Weigh your options. If this adult child is physically threatening you, do you really want them in your house? If your spouse is resistant, family counseling sounds like a plan. This is never an easy road, but sometimes the hardest road is the best one.
This is a truly disgusting page of advice. If you are too incompetent to manage your relationship with your own child, then how is evicting them going to help anyone except yourself? Truly truly selfish. If you are that selfish, don't have kids. I hope you all are extremely ashamed of your actions.
So sorry you feel that way, Mr. Cortez, but you are in my opinion extremely out of touch with the reality of a drug abusing, physically abusing adult child wreaking havoc on an otherwise peaceful and happy home. We are not talking about reasonable adults here that you can have down to earth discussions with, we are talking about unreasonable, irresponsible self-centered people who don't care who they hurt as long as they have their needs satisified. Get a grip, sir, and get with the real world! When parents have to follow the extreme course of action of eviction, it's a last resort to protect themselves and younger children in the home, not for their own "selfish" needs as you put it.
It is selfish to enable your child by NOT evicting them when they have been given so many chances like I have given my 2 adult children. The reason parents put off extreme action such as eviction is because they want to avoid the pain they feel when they take such drastic measures. I have a 24 daughter hooked on meth and a 31 year old son with drug addiction and alcohol problems. Both of my children are adopted and their birth parents were addicts but they were removed at birth. My late husband and I did everything "right" by them. We never smoked, used drugs, had a stable marriage, took them to church, taught them values, gave them so much love and attention. But the wheels fell off when their adopted father died suddenly and despite my efforts to get them to counseling, they refused the help and turned to drugs to blunt the pain. And the same thing has happened to other good parents as well. I cannot do anything more for them and they both feel entitled to suck the life out of me and my limited finances. My current husband and I are going through our 3rd refinance to try to hang onto our home, something we would not have to do if my children would help out by paying even modest rent. I have kicked them out before without an eviction but they keep coming back and I would take them back in. And whose fault is that? MINE. But I'm tired of being an enabler and started to get counseling for myself and have started to attend NarAnon meetings with other parents who face the same issues. My children need to hit bottom before they will ever have a chance to change. And if I continue to avoid the truth about myself and NOT stop the enabling, what then? What future will they face when I'm gone? Will they even be alive? As much as most parents find it hard to do, we have to let go, what choice do we really have? Should I allow myself to be destroyed along with them? What good is that?
SalsaGirl, your story and questions are heartwrenching and unfortunately being played out over in over in homes across the country, if not the world. You're right, parents hang on instead of making that horrible decision because they feel somehow to blame for their children turning out the way they did. But as you pointed out, you can do all the right things and still it doesn't matter if your children are continually exposed to negative influences at school, in the neighborhood, and through the media. It does sound like you are taking some positive steps toward coming to grips with your situation. So many parents drive themselves and the rest of their families to the brink of insanity by continuing to enable adult children to run all over them, bring negativity into the home, and endanger younger siblings. You're right, what's selfish is to continue to allow those behaviors just to help ease the guilt you would feel by showing them the door. However, continuing to enable will just encourage the behaviors. There comes a time when parents must make a choice and actively force their adult children to make a choice, to straighten out their lives or wallow in the ugliness they have chosen.
Good information...
Every situation is different.
My sister is in her 40's, and has been living with our mother for the past 10+ years. Sister is verbally abusive, drug addicted (Marijuana mostly). She actually works, and recently went from a part-time to a full time job... Mom asked her to move out now that she has a better job, but sister says she doesn't have enough money... Ironically, a few days later, she went an bought a $30K car!...
But it gets worse... Both my sister's children also live their (both in high school), and while they seemed to hate their mother a few years ago (because she was no spending on her children), they have now sided with their mother, because she tolerates their attitudes ( and drug abuse) much better than grandma...
These kids will literally call grandma names to he face (F###in Bi###, etc)... The grandson has even threatened grandma a few times (someday you'll wake up with the biggest headache, etc)...
Yes, grandma was an enabler, because afterall, it was her daughter and her grandchildren. But finally, she is begining to see that these "relatives" are only using her for her money (no rent, food, does the laundry, pays the bills)...
Thats why I am here, because grandma asked me to help get them evicted...
My mother has finally
FamilyMan,
Although your comment got cut off, I got the gist of what you were saying. It makes my heart sad that these situations are not the rarity anymore. So many families are broken now, if you keep one healthy and intact, it seems often a miracle. You hope one day a light will go on in the adult children's heads, but unfortunately, that's not always the case and they end up perpetuating the problem with their own children, as in your case. I wish you and "Grandma" luck in your situation. Please let me know how it turns out.
My adult Child lived in my home an verbally abused me constantly. Was it all bad, no! However, when it became abusive it was very sever. Finally my adult child moved out but very close to where I live and sometimes still verbally abuses me. It is hard to believe that I gave life to my abuser. Love doesn't matter when abuse is involved. I can offer all the love I have to give yet the abuse keeps pouring in.
VA, I'm glad to see a step in the right direction when your child left. However,letting yourself get abused verbally is still not healthy. Let your child know you will not stand for it. If you are in a conversation and it quickly goes south, say good-bye. Eventually he or she is going to clue in that if they want to have a relationship with you, they are going to have to be respectful. Don't feel guilty, you deserve respect.
My 30+ grandson is living in my and my Mom's (96 yrs old) house. Mom is in a nursing home and can't take care of herself so won't be going back to her house. My Grandson stopped paying the amount of the mortgage in Jan 2012. His wife and 2 children live in the house. He feels entitled to live there as long as he wants for nothing! My name is on the loan with my Mom. I am sick about this and have to evict him. This is not the way I wanted this situation to end up. I really can't afford to pay 2 mortgages. Needless to say I am angry!
We have this problem in our family. Mother in law has always given her eldest son everything he ever demanded. He is now 61, has never paid into social security, she is in assisted living and she expects us to carry on the tradition of keeping her son up. He has bad-mouthed us all over town, accused us of stealing, etc. It is really painful.
Funny how we sometimes unknowingly create monsters of our own children by constantly enabling, then when it's time for us to be taken care of, they are either busy taking what's left or nowhere to be found.
I'm a renter in a current situation I'm totally disabled Educabally Mentally Impaired along with a speech impairement residing in Michigan, I got an eviction 3days after my 33rd birthday,I lived with my Mother my whole life with her knowing what my disability is and she hidden my documents on me. On the 21'st I was assulted by another tennant in my Mother's home with her boyfriend being on file with another police department in 2007. My Mother's boyfriend is a repetitious alocoholic and a marijuana user I have no money, nothing from social security I have nothing, what do I do?
Does anyone have any success stories to share after evicting their child/children?
I am 25 years old and living at home with my parents, who are wonderful. I feel so thankful that they let me be here and work full-time and am applying to grad school to hopefully move out soon. However, my 19 year old brother just quit after his first semester of college and moved home. My parents have helped him in countless ways: counseling, depression medication, Chantix to quit smoking cigarettes, etc. They are encouraging and loving. But my brother slinks around, coming and going as he pleases, smoking pot outside our house, leaving for days at a time not letting anyone know where he is. He has been abusing substances (alcohol and marijuana) and constantly lies about everything. He says that he shouldn't have to tell me parents where he is or when he'll be home because he is a grown-up and would be in college normally. But he doesn't have a job, he ISN'T in college, and he doesn't take care of his things, show respect for anyone else, or help with anything around the house--and he sleeps all day! It is so stressful to live under the same roof of someone who is under the influence, emotionally unstable, and a compulsive liar. I am a notorious worrier, but even so, I often do not feel safe.
I want my parents to show some tough love because I don't know how else it can get better, but I think they would be more receptive to the idea of eviction if they heard how it helped others in my brother's situation in the long run.
Thank you, DIYweddingplanner, and most of the others who commented on this blog. It is therapeutic to read that we are not alone, but my heart hurts for you as well.
Just to point out to all of you who seem to out right agree and "relate" to one anothers experiences, every situation is different. Don't forget that your generation has basiclly ruined the opportuinties of your kids with your decisions financially and politically, so take some responsibility and SEE your own family through till they can get on the right track. What kind of person throws their family to the curb with nothing. This isn't the 60s or 70s the idea of tough love on a depression patient could be life threatening. The post is informative on evictions for family members, however I feel that most of you will use this as a crutch to justify your own desires of ridding yourself of the responsability of takeing care of someone you are supposed to love and cherish. It's utterly pathetic reading these other parents posting about their "troubled" adult child. Suck it up and problem solve he/she is just as scared as you are about their lives. Just ask them the simple question "do you enjoy your life and where you are at". The question is rhetorical and an obvious "NO", they don't know how to get out of their situation so they hide. I don't mind that some of you will ridicule this post but if it reaches one parent/s then atleast I didn't waste my time reaching out to an over prideful stubborn generation.
Dear Mike,
I am so sorry for your tough time. I do not have the qualifications to offer specific advice, but I can advocate on behalf of seeking the services of trained professionals who could help you for free.
Is there a United Way in your area? They may be able to direct you to services. I know in my area there is an agency that offers pro bono legal counseling with real lawyers who take on civil cases and who could help you learn and understand your rights and advocate for yourself. If there is not a United Way designated to your area, contact a nearby United Way, which should still be able to give you information about services nearby.
You could also try dialing 2-1-1, a non-emergency helpline that can refer you to services in your area based on the needs you share with them. I know this exists in Texas, Virginia, and Connecticut--to name a few states--and I hope it is found in yours as well.
To all who have posted, I feel like this article had taken on a life of its own in so many ways. The one thing that it has vividly pointed out to me is that there are so many people struggling wit this same problem. The feeling of helplessness is overwhelming at times. I would like to address a few people who posted, however. Mike, have you applied for disability? I know a friend whose son did because he had multiple issues and he was able to use his disability check to live in a group home with others with similar issues. Thank you, Nonprofithelp for posting and trying to assist Mike. Please understand that when
I wrote this article it wasn't Judy to give parents an easy out. Trust me, there is nothing easy about evicting your own child. Mostof youareselfish, why do I get the feeling you are not a parent and have never been faced with a situation where an adult child is wreaking havoc upon the entire family's life. This is about simple misbehavior, this is about an out of control person who is way beyond the talking stage and is endangering other members of the family. I advocating this as a last resort, not as a knee jerk reaction. We're not talking about being able to sit down and talk and it's all better. We're talking about extreme situations where talking, counseling, etc., etc., have been to no avail. I've heard of parents whose adult children have physically assaulted them. Please stop blaming your problems on every one but yourself. No generation
is to blame for out of control, drugged out adults who can't take responsibility for their own lives. Messing up your life is your personal choice, but that doesn't mean you should be allowed to afflict it on other younger family members. Sad sister, I wish I had an encouraging story to tell, but we are still working toward that in our family. I think it's down the road, but I will say it was a positive thing for younger siblings in the home and definitely for me healthwise, it was a positive. I think it takes some people a while for the light to come on, unfortunately.
I am a "son" who was forced to move back in with my parents due to a devastating carpal tunnel injury, in which I had surgery followed by major complications, that have not improved in almost 3 years now. I also have been diagnosed with multiple mental disorders and struggle to get by on a daily basis due to the pain from my hands and the mental stress issues that I have. I have been seeing various psychiatrists and psychologists for almost 17 years. Now my parents want to throw me out after being home for less than a year (I moved out for several months but due to intense hand and wrist pain was forced to leave my job and move back home), because I am not applying for "as many jobs as they would like". What they don't understand is that it's an effort to even use a computer for me (this post has taken almost 30 minutes for me to write). I try but whatever I do, never seems to be enough. I just wanted to give an opposing perspective. Thank you, Aaron
Thank you SO much for this article. I have read every comment and I don't feel alone anymore. We have a 20 year old son who has become physically abusive toward his dad and me. 2 nights ago, he beat us up. We called the police and he ran. We were told to get the eviction in process but we had to let him come back and live until he was officially evicted. It blows my mind that this is our house and we have to let him back in. We know he has to go. I think he is smoking weed and drinking BUT that does not excuse his behavior.
Adam, the best course of action for you in my opinion is to apply for disability. Please look into that and let me know how it goes. And most of all, keep the lines of communication open with your parents. Be a good "tenant" and help where you can.
PM, yours is more the situation I had in mind when I wrote this article. It certainly wasn't to absolve parents from taking responsibility for their own children. But there are lines to be drawn here and surely your son crossed that line when he decided to use physical violence against you. I agree, the laws seem unbelievable at times and protect those who break them.
I have a similar situation with my 20 year old son, very disrespectful and abusive, I have taken him for counseling which helped for awhile, but he refuses to continue, he is very angry since our divorce and cannot seem to move on with his life in a positive manner. My daughter, 16 is completely opposite, very responsible, motivated intelligent, good student with a bright future ahead of her. I just feel like everthing I have done to help my son, its never enough for him to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
His father hurt him when he left and he is not the father figure type, he has hardly been in his life since the divorce, my son was 9, his dad is remarried and has a young son now, I believe my son feels replaced; since he had no relationship with his dad for so many years that he feels disconnected from him.
I know he's had issues with dealing with his emotions and have had him in counseling from a young age, I seriously am considering having him move out on his own, but can such an emotional child with issues deal with these on his own with no family support?
I have come to my breaking point and just want peace, but I don't know if this is the right decision.
Thanks for the advice, I will try United Way this week my legal aide said she can get the 1st eviction thrown out because she did not fill out the form properly then if she does it again she said we will get in the other stuff, I'm accused of not following house rules/aspectations and I'm accused of being verbally abusive to other tennants and visitors I'm no more verbally abusive then they are and she told me to stick up for myself after I asked her for her help then she didn't like how I stuck up for myself again this guy is a repitious alocoholic and pot smoker... are there any kind of laws that if the owner of the premisis can't serve alocohol without a liquor licens or if a person is illegally using marijuana without a license??? plus if this is a tennancy building isn't the land lady/lord suppose to have accessable entrances for individuals with disabilities... back to the accusations I never had to pay any rent or bills and there was never any "house rules/aspectations" that I had to sign or abide by... social security stated that "I'm not disabled enough" which dosen't make sense because I wouldn't qualify for Vocational Rehab Services if I wasen't disabled. I found out my Mother was getting married, and two day's ago it happened... again the guy she married is a abusive alocoholic and marijuana user his kid lives in the house too and he's an alocoholic as well as an of age adult both of them have jobs in the same place. Any of the visitors that they talk about are mainly just like the agressor, rude uncouth and they partake in illegal useage of marijuana plus with the assult I have pictures for proof, and I have some documentation left of disability and some stuff from vocational rehabilation services and possiblity from my old ssi lawyer... When I asked where my file was the land/lady said a very unappropriate phrase involving the fu. The day before she offered me a sandwich from a local sandwich shop I wouldn't think that is normal, plus I got a call from her cell phone the other day with her husband using her phone to call me and asked "who is this" the garage smelled like marijuana when I walked through any more advice would be appreciated -Mike
I am living with a situation myself. Took kids in because didn't want to see grandkids homeless...now my new home is trashed, new furniture stained, carpets ruined, kitchen sink broken...toys/trash/dishes/1/2 empty pop cans and overflowing ashtrays everywhere...When they moved in 2 rules were no drugs/alcohol and keep house nice/clean. When I say something they use my grandkids as leverage (won't let them visit with me and lock them up in the room with them if I piss them off by asking them to clean up after themselves, etc). No jobs and barely looking, no contribution whatsoever, and shitty attitudes. While I appreciate your "opposite perspective" Aaron - I"m sure the majority of us (parents of the adult children) are NOT trying to be assholes, we just want the financial and emotional abuse to end, and the kids to "grow up and act like adults". They have been here since I bought this place in Sept. and now it's trashed and I'll end up left with the damages when and if they ever freaking leave. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what the issue is - it's my house and I want my peace and quiet, and my OCD wants my clean house back. I'm tired of hiding from their mess in my room because it's the only clean room in the freakin house. If they were trying, if they were respectful, if they took care of my NEW belongings (house, furniture, dishes, everything in it)....it may be a different story, but they are rude, obnoxious, obstinate and doing nothing to help themselves. I love my grandchildren dearly, but my children need to grow up and manage their own shit (keep a job, pay some rent somewhere, pay childcare - you know, all the things I had to do when I was raising them alone without child support). There comes a time to grow up and leave the nest, and for so many it is long overdue. Narcissistic personality is innate, not from how they are raised - and I am not beholden to take care of them like a sugarmama until I die.
Just chiming in to agree with parents...and assure those who are not parents who criticize, that you can't know until you have 'been there'. We have 2 kids - daughter no problem, and son who has rejected all help, all appropriate guidelines, etc. We let him stay in our rental house just to allow me to sleep at night - but he breaks into our house and steals our money whenever possible, to support his drug habit. We are looking at a restraining order to keep him away from our house - we have called police, etc, etc, but nothing changes with him and endless 'contracts' etc. have provided no change. Virtually have no choice other than to evict or virtually 'disown' him and hope that total bottoming out may engender change. It's a constant stressor and heartbreak. We love him but there is nothing more we can do that we haven't done. The rest has to be up to him, even though we fear it won't end well.
fred allen Level 1 Commenter 16 months ago
How can this hub have gotten no comments?! Are there no other parents that face a defiant child? Have no other parents faced the prospect of a sane household or an evicted child? I for one am grateful for your research. I am thankful for your advice. This was the first suggestion in the search engine after entering evict family member on google. No idea how many found this hub and found it useful, but I thank God for this post.
God bless you!